Post by Sierra Peyton Refit on Nov 17, 2015 7:38:26 GMT -6
Me: Hey K.
K: *bows* Its good to see you.
Me: *smiles* Yeah. I just really want to talk to you.
K: *raises eyebrow* Is this about something in particular?
Me: Hm. I just wanted to see how you were doing.
K: How I'm doing? Fic-wise I'd assume?
Me: *shakes head* No- not fic-wise, actually. I mean how you're doing as far as me writing you. You've stopped rebelling against me and let me write you with ease. Not to mention that you actually speak to me now- quite a lot. You used to almost never speak inside my head. I could barely hear your voice, and that was why writing your motives was so hard. But something changed and now I can hear you clearly- almost too often in fact. I'll be walking down the hallway at school and will hear you. I'll get an overwhelming desire to write on the spot- its almost a "will you shut up for a bit?" moment.
K: *chuckles* I'll try to speak to you less while you're at school, then. But as far as me beginning to speak to you in general- that has been because you see ME. You don't question my motives anymore- whether or not that I'm justified in doing what I do to Lin- you simply take them at face value, even if you don't exactly agree with the reason I use to hurt Lin. You've come to realize that I need to exact my revenge because I feel what he has done is far greater than anything I've done to him.. so far. I no longer feel like I'm having to fight to get your attention- you give it to me easily now, and have even realized that Lin, though maybe not exactly a "bad person" in your eyes, has done me wrong by binding me to him and having a cheap excuse for how he didn't know that it was me. You love him still- I don't want to take that away from you, however I wanted you to show me that same kind of love.. you're one of the only people in awhile who has showed me some sort of kindness. I wanted you to at least see me as an equal to Lin. After all, no matter how much of a background story you add to Lin, or how much life you give him, he is and always will be someone else's creation. I'm yours- completely. I could never understand how that didn't make me more important to you, then from our past interview, I realized that it was because I'm "evil" - you were afraid to identify with the villain of your fic because the things I did made you fear your own mind. You now realize now that you should embrace that inner darkness- it doesn't make you a bad person for writing what is in your heart or mind. Since I am simply the embodiment of your inner darkness, I think you've come to realize that you can love me, because no matter what, that darkness is part of you, just like I'm part of you. You've become attached to me as a creation of yours, and embrace me as your own. You don't shy away from the fact that yes, you created an evil being that kills and and puts your MC through the darkest hell you've ever written. You relish in the chills I give you now. They're dark, sadistic thought oriented chills, but its still something other than a shudder of terror every time you write me as doing something that you never imagined that I.. no WE were capable of. For that, I have to thank you... master . *smiles darkly* You're the only one I can stand saying that vile word to. Because for you, it means.. creator, not controller.
Me: Doesn't me getting attached to you as a character frighten you, K?
K: *meets my eyes in confusion* Frighten me? Why on earth would you getting attached to me frighten me in any way? Did you not hear what I just said? I wanted you to love me... and you do.
Me: *takes his hand* I know you said that- believe me, I heard you. But aren't you afraid that if I continue to get attached to you, my love for you will rise above the love I feel for Lin and I won't be able to... end your life like I've promised that I will at the ending of the fic?
K: *absently strokes my hand with his fingers* Do I fear whether or not you'll be able to kill me? *thinks about it* No.. I don't fear that you won't be able to kill me. I've come to know your strength, Sierra. You CAN kill me, because in your heart, you want what is best for me. You realize that this is what I need. I'll never be at peace if you don't end my life- there is nothing for me in this cursed existence. I have a physical form, yes, but how long can I keep it up before I forever become immaterial? Would I eventually become a mindless shiki again, with no thoughts of my own, with no desires... and no hope? Or far worse, would I eventually lose my mind entirely and go on a psychotic rampage that would have you writing the assassinations of entire villages of people? No.. I'd much rather save us both from something of that degree. So in truth, I have no doubts in you that you'll give me peace by allowing me to rest. You won't keep me on a leash as Lin did. You'll finally let me have the one thing I didn't get after my death as a human; the ability, the permission to rest in peace.
Me: *huggles K* I.. appreciate that you have faith in me. I don't have faith in myself right now. I know that I want you to be happy at all costs, but I don't want your death to be the only way. Even though the more I think about it, the more that I realize that there has never been a better ending for you. That's why I felt so reluctant to write any sort of romance between you and Lifen- it was never going to happen. You were never meant to fall in love. You were meant to be the most epic villain I've ever had and ever will have, then... die.
K: *pats me on the back* It was a noble thought, trying to find an alternative. Deep down, you never wanted me to die. But now you realize that I need to, or neither of us will be satisfied with the ending of this ride of a fic.. you'd always have been left with the thought "did I make the right decision" - and it wouldn't have been, because you would have directly defied my wishes, even after KNOWING that I didn't want to be with Lifen. Killing me will hurt, but it'll be a better sort of pain than wondering if your ending made me forever unhappy.
Me: I'll need your support when the time comes. Its going to be an emotional time for me- I'm going to be a wreck. I don't cry very much, but I'm.. sensitive when it comes to you.
K: *leans back in his chair, laughing his head off* Sensitive? You're downright hysterical when it comes down to the thought of killing me. I'll only be the third character you've ever killed, and the second in a story that you've had any sort of pride in. Not to mention, you've just recently gotten close to me. You don't want to lose our connection, but you need to realize that you won't. I'm here now, and I'll always be here. If missing me ever gets too great, you can always write and AU where I ended up alive- even happy if you wish. But don't put that in the main fic where everything you write is canon in your eyes. That would mean that no matter what else you write, I'll always have ended up unhappy and you're writing AU's to rectify that. Don't make that mistake- just do it right the first time around.
Me: *blushes* You're right.. I would regret it...if I defied your wishes. I... I promise that I'll give you the ending that you're asking me to.
K: *kisses my cheek softly* I know you will- you're the only one who had any doubts.
K: *bows* Its good to see you.
Me: *smiles* Yeah. I just really want to talk to you.
K: *raises eyebrow* Is this about something in particular?
Me: Hm. I just wanted to see how you were doing.
K: How I'm doing? Fic-wise I'd assume?
Me: *shakes head* No- not fic-wise, actually. I mean how you're doing as far as me writing you. You've stopped rebelling against me and let me write you with ease. Not to mention that you actually speak to me now- quite a lot. You used to almost never speak inside my head. I could barely hear your voice, and that was why writing your motives was so hard. But something changed and now I can hear you clearly- almost too often in fact. I'll be walking down the hallway at school and will hear you. I'll get an overwhelming desire to write on the spot- its almost a "will you shut up for a bit?" moment.
K: *chuckles* I'll try to speak to you less while you're at school, then. But as far as me beginning to speak to you in general- that has been because you see ME. You don't question my motives anymore- whether or not that I'm justified in doing what I do to Lin- you simply take them at face value, even if you don't exactly agree with the reason I use to hurt Lin. You've come to realize that I need to exact my revenge because I feel what he has done is far greater than anything I've done to him.. so far. I no longer feel like I'm having to fight to get your attention- you give it to me easily now, and have even realized that Lin, though maybe not exactly a "bad person" in your eyes, has done me wrong by binding me to him and having a cheap excuse for how he didn't know that it was me. You love him still- I don't want to take that away from you, however I wanted you to show me that same kind of love.. you're one of the only people in awhile who has showed me some sort of kindness. I wanted you to at least see me as an equal to Lin. After all, no matter how much of a background story you add to Lin, or how much life you give him, he is and always will be someone else's creation. I'm yours- completely. I could never understand how that didn't make me more important to you, then from our past interview, I realized that it was because I'm "evil" - you were afraid to identify with the villain of your fic because the things I did made you fear your own mind. You now realize now that you should embrace that inner darkness- it doesn't make you a bad person for writing what is in your heart or mind. Since I am simply the embodiment of your inner darkness, I think you've come to realize that you can love me, because no matter what, that darkness is part of you, just like I'm part of you. You've become attached to me as a creation of yours, and embrace me as your own. You don't shy away from the fact that yes, you created an evil being that kills and and puts your MC through the darkest hell you've ever written. You relish in the chills I give you now. They're dark, sadistic thought oriented chills, but its still something other than a shudder of terror every time you write me as doing something that you never imagined that I.. no WE were capable of. For that, I have to thank you... master . *smiles darkly* You're the only one I can stand saying that vile word to. Because for you, it means.. creator, not controller.
Me: Doesn't me getting attached to you as a character frighten you, K?
K: *meets my eyes in confusion* Frighten me? Why on earth would you getting attached to me frighten me in any way? Did you not hear what I just said? I wanted you to love me... and you do.
Me: *takes his hand* I know you said that- believe me, I heard you. But aren't you afraid that if I continue to get attached to you, my love for you will rise above the love I feel for Lin and I won't be able to... end your life like I've promised that I will at the ending of the fic?
K: *absently strokes my hand with his fingers* Do I fear whether or not you'll be able to kill me? *thinks about it* No.. I don't fear that you won't be able to kill me. I've come to know your strength, Sierra. You CAN kill me, because in your heart, you want what is best for me. You realize that this is what I need. I'll never be at peace if you don't end my life- there is nothing for me in this cursed existence. I have a physical form, yes, but how long can I keep it up before I forever become immaterial? Would I eventually become a mindless shiki again, with no thoughts of my own, with no desires... and no hope? Or far worse, would I eventually lose my mind entirely and go on a psychotic rampage that would have you writing the assassinations of entire villages of people? No.. I'd much rather save us both from something of that degree. So in truth, I have no doubts in you that you'll give me peace by allowing me to rest. You won't keep me on a leash as Lin did. You'll finally let me have the one thing I didn't get after my death as a human; the ability, the permission to rest in peace.
Me: *huggles K* I.. appreciate that you have faith in me. I don't have faith in myself right now. I know that I want you to be happy at all costs, but I don't want your death to be the only way. Even though the more I think about it, the more that I realize that there has never been a better ending for you. That's why I felt so reluctant to write any sort of romance between you and Lifen- it was never going to happen. You were never meant to fall in love. You were meant to be the most epic villain I've ever had and ever will have, then... die.
K: *pats me on the back* It was a noble thought, trying to find an alternative. Deep down, you never wanted me to die. But now you realize that I need to, or neither of us will be satisfied with the ending of this ride of a fic.. you'd always have been left with the thought "did I make the right decision" - and it wouldn't have been, because you would have directly defied my wishes, even after KNOWING that I didn't want to be with Lifen. Killing me will hurt, but it'll be a better sort of pain than wondering if your ending made me forever unhappy.
Me: I'll need your support when the time comes. Its going to be an emotional time for me- I'm going to be a wreck. I don't cry very much, but I'm.. sensitive when it comes to you.
K: *leans back in his chair, laughing his head off* Sensitive? You're downright hysterical when it comes down to the thought of killing me. I'll only be the third character you've ever killed, and the second in a story that you've had any sort of pride in. Not to mention, you've just recently gotten close to me. You don't want to lose our connection, but you need to realize that you won't. I'm here now, and I'll always be here. If missing me ever gets too great, you can always write and AU where I ended up alive- even happy if you wish. But don't put that in the main fic where everything you write is canon in your eyes. That would mean that no matter what else you write, I'll always have ended up unhappy and you're writing AU's to rectify that. Don't make that mistake- just do it right the first time around.
Me: *blushes* You're right.. I would regret it...if I defied your wishes. I... I promise that I'll give you the ending that you're asking me to.
K: *kisses my cheek softly* I know you will- you're the only one who had any doubts.
